If there’s one thing I’m tired of is people trying to tell me that there’s some sort of golden ticket to success. “Cut your hair”, “Take pride in yourself” (which to this day, I have no idea what that means) or some bullshit like that. What pisses me off is that no matter how you spin it, there’s no universal way for things to be great for everyone.
But you can’t tell that to some folks, some people say that it’s “confidence”.
“Confidence” is supposed to be this thing that make life better in some way, it’s some way to make you see the colors of the air and makes you breathe the best kind or something, I dunno.
And I’d like to consider myself to be living proof that that very concept isn’t true.
My current job is on the other side of town and the trip can kill an old car (which my family each owns and I used to own), so out of frustration, I aim to get a job that’s closer. The nearby library while not looking for people would, at least, consider me after my consistent patronage (I’m even at the library now), my decent interaction with most of the folks here and such. I lack any past convictions, I have a history with books and I’m a five minute walk away from the building!
Welp, I get my first interview, I put on my suit, I cut my hair, I approach the interview with a gaggle of confidence, I felt I connected well with the interviewers, I’m a god dang shoo-in, right? Three weeks after getting no call, I get a rejection letter. Days later, I get a call for another interview for another library…who rejected me after a really “confident” interview. This happened about ten more times with more rejections letters in my trash can.
But hey, at least I was “confident”, right?
At least I “thought positive” and went there looking my best. I mean, you gotta look dolled up if you wanna get fucked by the right people.
No big deal, I left with my dignity (I think) before appearing sporadically and practically grovelling at random for a job which they have no intent on giving me even if they had any position available.
But yeah, you see, if there’s one thing I can’t stand is when people try to make it seem like I’m the guy at fault and I’m just not “(verb)-ing (adjective) enough” and I need (questionable aesthetic) to get better.
Girls told me back in the day that if I wanted a girlfriend, I should just cut my hair and approach them with “confidence” (or “swagger”, depending on who I’m talking to). Now how about I did that and the same girls that told me they’d swoon over me if I took their advice are giving me the cold shoulder for SOME OTHER REASON they just made up.
Now, I’m not the smartest man in the world but I know bullshit when I see it and considering the country I’m in…
Either way, I know it’s a beauty contest, I’m more than aware that at the end of the day, I just don’t look the part. I’m fat, black, hairy, got big lips, a weird shaped head and I’m short, I get all that. I’m more pissed because those things are some things that I can’t control that are supposedly “holding me back”.
But let’s be honest, I could cure all these ailments if a decent job would hire me and pay me enough to handle up on these…I mean, I wouldn’t do it at this point because fuck what you think now but at least the option would be open.