Religion

I feel like I should bring this up, but me and Religion are kinda…

I’m raised in Baton Rouge, Louisiana in a poor black home. Everything is noisy and annoying and pretty bleak but my mom, in her psychotic way, always maintained a little bit of hope through it all with God.

Now, y’see, Mom used to make it seem like God was Superman that would swoop down in some of my worst times to sorta save me from all the crap that was gonna happen to me as long as I pray to him.

The problem is that if you pray to God in public, other black people would be like “that guy’s talking to himself” which welcomes a whole lotta scorn.

So whenever she was about to give me a whipping I’d wonder where in heavens is God supposed to be at with this protection and skills to make sure this didn’t happen.

Nothing crushes faith faster than disappointment.

Needless to say, I’m still sorta locked in my faith for the core values (be a good person, don’t be too much of an asshole to people, stay in your lane, do no harm but take no mess) but I’m not nearly as devoted as anyone else. I mean, if you read the Bible, God’s pretty evil. I mean, this is a super being that just says “hey guys, I’m awesome and you should love me for it…If you don’t, not only do I kill you but I make your afterlife a living hell, don’t believe me? Ask my son”.

I mean, I can’t worship someone who’s capable of making life but then make it so imperfect that just the simplest mistake can cause a ripple effect that devastates people on such a grand scale to a point where being born with a certain skin color and gender automatically disqualifies you from having at least an okay life.

I mean, my whole shtick about Religion is that it’s okay to follow it as long as you’re using it for good but people tend to love using it to justify bad things.

It’s too messed up for me to say “Praise God through all the misery because I’m not dead so yeah”…I mean, if I have a disease where every breath I take feels like needles going into my lungs, I’m not gonna be praising God for not being dead. I’m gonna be damn salty that God (and my parents) put me in a position for me to do all that suffering in the first place.

Now, I appreciate the sentiment but I hate it when people feel like mentioning God is gonna make things better when even in the Bible, stuff went from regularly bad to completely haywire WITH DIVINE INTERVENTION. Sodom and Gomorrha, The Plagues of Egypt, I mean Revelations is one big horror novel about the end of the world and the angels are SCARY AS HELL.

Mentioning God during times of crisis is not fun to think about because whenever I hear something like “It’s in God’s hands now” or “Trust in God”, that’s like my sign to panic because we’re screwed.

I don’t think of God as a personal genie. I think of God as a regular person who’s gonna get to it when God gets to it and knows that because we think God’s perfect, God is just gonna do it when God feel like it.

And that’s why I’m not a religious guy.

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