Depression

Not sure if I mentioned this before but I got Depression bad as hell.

Y’see, growing up black with the ability to read and empathize with people was just not in the gangsta’s handbook so I got picked on for being Steve Urkel and because the other kids knew that at a young age, that’d hurt my feelings.

Which was apparently a good thing at like, maybe twelve, thirteen years old.

Add in the fact that I had a mom who thought that the whole family was out to get her in any way imaginable which made me an enemy in what I’d consider my own home.

Add a dash of that with the blatant disrespect I get from my brothers who’d soon grow up to accomplish things that they wanted while I’m in a constant cycle of disrespect and disappointment.

Yeah, depression was inevitable.

My biggest problem was I could empathize with people, if they were happy, I was happy until the logic kicked in and asked me “why are you happy, it’s not like your life is equally as good as theirs is going to be”.

Then it dawned on me, on top of having a shitty childhood, it felt like I was the only one.

Everyone else is getting married, travelling and having their life be one big party and I’m just sitting here thinking I’m saving money by doing the whole “work and home” routine.

It sounds like jealousy but I didn’t want what they had..although I always wanted to travel, even as a kid. I remember looking at the word “globetrotter” and thinking “I wanna do that” only to realize that that shit ain’t for poor people.

Neither is being on TV…

So I aimed low and asked the universe, “can I at least get a girlfriend?” so I can at least know what that’s like and whoever’s in charge of the “give people stuff” department was like “what part of “no” are you not getting?”

Either way, with a seemingly exclusive miserable childhood leading to what would be an equally miserable life, seeing things from the void seemed to come natural.

Needless to say, I grew up depressed.

My problem is that nowadays, it’s hard to be depressed with this newfound “toughness” that everyone seem to be obsessed with.

Like, having problems is the most difficult thing to have because if a depressed person don’t talk about them, then the problems start to hurt.

Then like, if a person does talk about them, they’re apparently complaining.

If the problem is internal, then the person expressing the grievance is “whining”.

If the problem is external, then the person is “blaming”.

I mean, not every sad person can be the next Edgar Allen Poe or Vincent Van Gogh.

And some, like me, can cheerfully voice my grievance to a point where it seems sarcastic (it isn’t) but ‘m at the point where the crippling depression is balanced out with “at least I’m too ugly to get kids” which is actually my positive thought keeping me alive right now.

But yeah, the message here is that Depression is bad, don’t be a dick to a depressed person and if you are depressed…at least be funny. I mean, shit, it worked for Christopher Titus and that dude’s life sucked.

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