Life Update: Pressure

Now I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.

While I’m in California living in my cousin’s home, I’m currently working two low paying jobs (one washing dishes at a navy base restaurant in the neighboring city and the other one is Little Caesar’s) while doing online school, with a car.

I want to stress the term “low paying jobs”, I have two jobs that guarantee me at least $600 a check which is only $1,200 a month.

But because my cousin bought a car for me (that I never asked for), I owe him $1,500.

Here’s where things start to suck.

He wants me out on my own as quickly as possible and thinks that I should be using government benefits to do it, which isn’t a problem if I didn’t literally have to work every day.

I mean, I’ve received three checks so far and he’s already talking about me getting my own apartment.

I’m not taking advantage or anything (I mean, I literally work every day) but it’s gonna be hard to pay car insurance, car note, rent, school, gas, food and utilities for just $1,200 a month. And I’m a saver so I like to put a little money to the side but I won’t be able to do that either.

I hate the idea of having to choose the meager part of my check to pay for either gas or food and with the Republicans ruining everything they touch, I’m pretty sure that anything remotely close to government benefits will probably either offer horrible service or just get nixed entirely while I’m using it.

Last thing I need is to get an apartment from the government and then get it taken away by the same government.

My cousin is a retired navy guy so he’s guaranteed a pension and legit don’t have to work anymore so I’m guessing that his views are pretty much “this shit is easy, man, just do this and this” and I tell him in advance that what may work for him won’t work for me and when I try it and it doesn’t work for me, he gets frustrated.

Thankfully, he’s not the type to blame me for what happened because he’s there to witness the thing go wrong.

What’s frustrating is that he’s still talking about me getting my own apartment like somehow that’s possible considering my income among other things. I mean, the big goal for me right now is paying off the car because that’s the most expensive burden, once I knock that out, everything should be a bit lighter on my plate but literally, every other week is “plan for your future, get an apartment right now and add to things you’re gonna owe that you may have to struggle to pay for”.

And as a guy with practically a Ph.D in Poverty, I know that if I’m in situation where I owe more than I earn, I’m gonna stay poor because ain’t no good paying jobs trying to hire me and it’s fucked up that I have two jobs and still can’t afford an apartment because I got a $12K car to knock out first.

Bruh, this pressure is really getting to me because my cousin like legit wants me out of here in a few months. I mean, I’m regretting my decision but I’m stuck and I really don’t want to sleep in my car because I can’t afford a place to live after my cousin kicks me out for the whole “sink or swim” trip to independence.


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