Life Update: A little bit better but a whole lot worse

So, I got hit with two crushing blows.

One of which was I was on speaking terms with an old high school crush who was still hung up on her ex. I finally had enough of her telling me about it and I just made it very clear that neither me, nor any guy, is gonna care about her ex. I think what really set me off was how she was trying to make it seem like I was a much worse person than her ex was and when I suggested she stopped interacting with him, she asked me “why” as if she didn’t just prepare an entire essay of grievances of her ex for me to listen to because she can’t stand to not be around him.

Needless to say, I expressed my frustration on a public scale and she hasn’t taken too kindly to that, so she just made it very clear that there would never be an “us”. I’m pretty sure it’s just because I don’t look like her ex, though.

But that was maybe a week ago.

Nowadays, I’ve just been working my two low paying jobs just so I can try to pay off this car I kinda got tricked into getting and I’d like to think I’ve been doing a good job at it. However, I’ve been living with my cousin since January and he, like most folks, is ready to get rid of me.

Now, I’m aware that I’m not the best guest, I leave hair everywhere after I shower, I also haven’t been able to buy groceries because I’m not trying to waste any gas before going to work, a habit I’ve been practicing every day since I got the jobs in April.

That’s right, April.

I was looking for work three months before getting these jobs and I did everything he said up ’til that point.

I’ve been here since January and I technically just got these jobs around April-May and according to my cousin, earning $1,200/m is just enough to pay for car note, car insurance, rent, utilities, school, phone, food, gas and paying him back with just enough for me to save over.

What’s depressing me is how by this logic, I technically have five months to pay $11,200 for the car before I’m out on the street and I have no clue how I’m gonna do that. I just did the math and the money rounds off to $2,240/m which is a whole lot less than what I make.

Thankfully I’m taking classes on IT and doing just okay enough to be able to fake like I know a little bit about computers.

It’s just fucked up that after seeing me suffer, he’s willing to just brush that off just so he can push me out into a shitstorm and say “you’ll be fine” while doing so.

I’m mad because I’m not gonna be fine, this isn’t some negative thinking I’m putting on myself, this is an actual problem. He’s kicking me out with practically nothing. I mean, I’m driving around in a car I don’t own and in his mind, he’s practically saying “ay man, you got a car”…I don’t. That car isn’t mine until I pay the $11,200 I owe on it which means that should I skimp on a payment, the bank can take the car back and spike my credit so I’ll be impoverished and immobile in a place where I know no one in.

This decision has the takings to be a complete disaster and all while I’m trying to be responsible and get my life back on track with the two jobs and going to school.

The more I look at it, the more I realize that this sorta upcoming misery is meant to happen to me, though.

I’m just happy I’m not a dad.

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