Life Update: Lukewarm

So not too long ago, a co-worker of mine died.

He was 20 years old and I had a conversation with him maybe a few days before and that messed me up for a while.

I didn’t know the kid as well as everyone else did but in the few months I did, he was a cool kid and the tallest Asian I met in a long time.

His name was Christopher Opinion and I literally am gonna remember him for as long as I use the word “opinion”..and I use that word a lot.

What hurts the most was that him dying really opened my eyes up to things.

Being the empathetic person I am, I immediately thought about his family, his friends from school and pretty much anyone who his death has affected and it dawned on me that other people suffer just as much as I claim to do.

This very realization made me sorta rethink other people and their lives because as long as I’ve been on Facebook, it seemed like everyone else was doing great except me and I hate how it took this cool kid dying for me to finally realize otherwise.

If I thought he could hear it, I’d be conflicted to thank him or at least say goodbye to him respectfully.

While I’m getting over his death, I’ve just been working and trying to do well in these courses. I like to think that I’m sorta getting the hang of it but one of these courses was hocked up on me finishing two Powerpoint presentations and two papers in the course of three days. I like to think I’m smart and creative but I’m not the Flash and these two jobs turn those three day into like…eight hours.

Imagine having eight hours to do two papers and two powerpoint presentations as well as a discussion post and an exam.

I can’t lie, though, as overwhelming as all that is, I’m excited about having the books though to revisit everything once I’m finished with the courses.

My biggest issue with school right now is that I’m slow in it. I mean,on my own time, I can sorta pick up on everything but I procrastinate a lot and both of my jobs involve things that can physically mess up a book (water and grease, mostly) so it’s not like I can just read for thirty minutes during break time and just get it.

I’ve tried.

I’m cool with averaging out a C on these courses, though. I consider myself to be smart as long as I don’t have a deadline for anything and enough time to practice something. I mean, like, I’ve been practicing Spanish for years and I sorta know the rules and some of the words but if you drop me off in a Spanish speaking country, I’ll only be able to know how to say “I’m sorry, I’m American and don’t speak Spanish that well, do you know a little English?”.

But on the good foot, I’m doing really well trying to pay off my car and in the process of trying to better myself after this realization that I actually can, I’m working out at the gym across the street from my job.

The way I see it, the walk to the gym is a workout in itself so I burned at least four calories walking there to add on to the 300 I plan to burn off doing 30 minutes of cardio.

from what I gathered when I got here in January, I was 195 and I managed to drop to 191 (or is it 188 because of my bigass shoes I wear?)…either way, the gradual drop in weight made me realize that life isn’t all gloom and doom and “aw shit someone else is doing better than me in something”.

I mean, while Chris was alive, it seemed like he was pretty carefree and didn’t focus on most things and now that he’s gone, I’d like to think he’s pretty chilled out and happy wherever he is now.

and part of me wouldn’t mind trying to be like that as well.

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2 thoughts on “Life Update: Lukewarm”

  1. Hey man. I don’t know you because I believe that you were my replacement at Spuds. But I knew Chris, I knew him very well. He was actually my best friend at work. And the last time I saw him was my last day there in June. He almost cried when he hugged me goodbye, I could see it in his eyes. But that’s because he was a loving (and very lovable) person. I know you’re going through some rough shit, I am too. His death has plagued on me since I first was notified. But knowing him, I know he would want you to live. Because he loved life and he wants everyone around him to love life too. Life is hard, and he had his own stuff. Everyone does. But I dont think for a second that he would ever choose this fate for himself. And he wouldn’t want the people he knew to choose it either. Please seek help. If you want someone to talk to I can tell you my name and we can talk. But I just wanted to let you know this.

    Like

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